What women want.
Uncountable man-hours of speculation and research have gone into discovering what women want. Getting an understanding of the female mind is said to be as impossible as getting out of a TalkTalk contract, and it’s thought to be cloaked in mystery. But, there is a theory that the answer isn’t such a secret after all.
Men not doing what women want.
There are occasions when Rachel leaves me unsupervised, and during these times, I am free to decide what I will be doing for the hour, the afternoon, or the day, depending on where she has gone and how long she is prepared to leave me without adult supervision. Without fear of interruption, I am free to listen to music at the volume of my choosing, tinker with whatever jobs take my fancy, or just sit and binge-watch old episodes of Lovejoy. The choice is mine.
Upon Rachel’s return, I am invariably met with some variation of the same greeting.
Sometimes it will be,
“I thought you would have cut the grass.”
I’m not entirely convinced that she actually thought I would have cut it. I think it’s more a case of,
“Hmph! Haven’t you even noticed that the grass needs cutting?”
But, it’s not always about cutting the grass. Another time it might be sorting out my sock drawer, or tidying the garage. However, even if I were to cut the grass, and decorate the bedroom, and cook dinner, and paint the garden fence, and vacuum the entire house, she will still say,
“I was sure you would have dug the vegetable patch and planted a row of winter cabbages.”
And this can be sprung on me even if we have never even spoken of winter cabbages. It’s actually a bit of a dark art, because I never have any indication of what I am supposed to do until I haven’t done it.
Given instruction I am fine, but unfortunately, left to my own devices I will always opt for the wrong option.
Women not doing what women want.
What is even more baffling is this. If I go out for any length of time, the exact opposite happens.
Before I leave, Rachel would have gone through the list of jobs that she has set herself to complete while I am away. Her list might have included vacuuming the attic, polishing the back of the fridge, dusting the potatoes, ironing the door mats, and boil washing the saucepans, but upon my return she will invariably be under the bed steam cleaning the underside of the mattress, or upside down in the cupboard-under-the-stairs sorting the vases and straightening the wellies.
“I haven’t done a thing I set out to do,” she will say.
And there is a lesson to be learned from this. It is a very valuable piece of information about relationships.
The answer to the age-old question of ‘what women want’ is simple.
It will always be the thing you haven’t done.
But don’t take it personally, because they don’t even know themselves what they want until they haven’t done it either.