The NOTHING Diaries
Waxing, snot and falling off a bike
If you are seeking investment advice or are keen to learn the innermost secrets of the banking world, congratulations, you have come to the right place. By some quirk of fate, it turns out that I have about as much knowledge and experience as most of our highly praised finance industry, so read on.
For those of you not looking to make a fast buck, you may be here to check out how the sponsored Nothing is going. I am happy to report that things are progressing well. Those who have donated will be pleased to know that I have so far managed to double your money while not to carrying out any sponsored activity.
Although most people are fully aware of the event, there will obviously be some out there who have just returned from a potholing holiday in Patagonia or a fact finding mission to a silent monastery. If you missed the launch of the campaign, you can read about it in my post Why I’m doing ‘Nothing’ for mental health where everything is explained.
So, ‘how is it going?’ you may ask. Well, with one week down the highlights are coming up after this short commercial break.
Welcome back: now it’s on with The NOTHING Diaries
Day 1 – Setting off
The task has begun, and I am already worrying that the preparation was not rigorous enough. As I sipped my coffee this morning I couldn’t help wondering if everything would be so much easier if I had heeded the advice of the sponsored cyclists and waxed the undercarriage. Will it really be possible to do nothing for nearly a year without first getting some sadistic beautician to rip out my pubes? We’ll see how I feel in the spring.
They say the longest journey begins with a single step, but no-one ever talks about not making a journey. Is nothing made up of individual nothinglets? Or should that be nowtlets? Wow, philosophy so soon in the task, I think I might be hallucinating already.
I was a bit fidgety sat at my desk today. Maybe I should have gone hairless.
Day 2 – Loneliness
It’s only day two, and already a sense of loneliness is sweeping across me. I think it’s the reality that I am finally alone and on my journey. It comes as quite a shock after the euphoria of the launch party. I say launch party, it was a glass of whisky and a packet of crisps after I activated the sponsorship page.
Day 3 – A slow ride
Cycled to work today. I was careful not to go too fast because that might be seen as doing something sporty, and sports activities are renowned for being sponsored. Best not over exert myself, I would hate to end up like Davina McCall on her ‘Beyond Breaking Point Challenge’ for Sport Relief. All that snot and tears are fine if you have just pushed yourself to the limit, but to arrive at the office looking like that is not really acceptable (except maybe on dress down Friday).
Day 4 – Mountain biking
I wonder how I am getting on. If I had chosen to cycle from John’s End to Land O’Goats at least I would know how I was progressing. Even if I were sat on the side of a mountain road, lost, vomiting with excursion and gasping for breath, the Sat Nav would be able to tell me that when I fell off I was on the Durness Golf Course, further from my destination than when I set off, and to ’Turn around when it is safe to do so’. As it is, I have no idea if I am on schedule, off track or going completely the wrong way. I don’t think people realise how hard my sponsored nothing is going to be.
The benefit of giving
I can’t speak for everyone, but in my experience the secret to doubling your money is to do nothing. If you feel that doing nothing is not for you, maybe donating something to Mind would better serve your fiscal requirements, and we can all watch our money grow together. Remember, it’s eligible for Gift Aid, and if you spend it now, the kids won’t have to pay inheritance tax on it later.
So, there you have it, good all round financial advice.
Mork and Mind