Trouble and toilet training.

To pee, or not to pee. Where, is the question!

They say size isn’t everything, but we do seem rather obsessed with it. Men can regularly be heard expressing their wish to ‘slip her a good eight inches’. Women are equally obsessed with size, but only in a manner that suits them, craving the biggest cock that fits going in, and the smallest head possible coming out.

Toilet trainingAs much as everyone would be happy with a massive willie, even those who claim possession of such a beast will often leave signs that suggest the contrary. It could be an evolutionary remnant of scent marking, but is this sort of behaviour really necessary? I am referring to pissing on the bathroom floor.

One small step for man, one giant leak for mankind.

If you live in a house with a hard bathroom floor, you will sometimes encounter drips in-front and around the toilet. I say drips. It may be a series of splashes, but sometimes it looks as if the offender just couldn’t be arsed to take that last step towards the bowl. Be warned, if you live in a house with carpet in the bathroom, it might be warm and cosy when you get out of the bath, but it also means that when you do so, your nice clean feet are now standing in piss.

It doesn’t take a lot to be a pee free home. One quick glance is all it takes, and if there is any accidental drippage you could, maybe, clean up after yourself. However, if you find there is always a puddle after you piddle, perhaps you could (neigh, should) sit to pee. No one will criticise or think you any less of a man, because no one will know.

Prevention is better than cure.

All that is required to put a stop to the occurance is that you pay a bit of attention to the job in hand. Looking down is a useful technique for this. Gazing at the ceiling, peering through the window or reading the small print on whatever framed certificate  the home owners have proudly hung on the toilet wall will only lead to your shoes going mouldy.

Stephen Fry once spoke of chess grand masters and how, for all their brain power, they couldn’t be trusted to sit on the toilet the right way. But, regardless of whether they are sitting forwards, backwards or side-saddle, at least they are sitting and won’t be pissing on the floor. If someone with no common sense can manage it, surely modern manly macho men can do it. Is the modern lavatory really such a complex piece of technology that we need toilet training? Maybe that framed certificate on the wall is a SPLASH award (Society for the Prevention of Leaking, Spraying and Hosing).

We’re going to need a bigger bowl.

One solution could be a series of targets positioned around the bowl and connected to a score counter. Everyone loves a shoot ’em up game. Add to this, a pedestal mat that docks points if it gets wet and we could be onto a winner. I did consider a mains powered pedestal mat that administered a shock as a punishment, but soon realised that a jolt of electricity to someone in mid flow was asking for trouble.

The simplest solution may be to appeal to male pride. Make it known that if there is a puddle on the floor, it is because someone has such a tiny cock it doesn’t even reach over the rim of the toilet.

Still to come…

How to operate the seat lid and why washing stale piss off your hands is a good thing.