The NOTHING Diaries

Movember – Tash for cash

As you may, or may not know, I am already doing nothing for mental health charity (click here for the full story), but for the month of November, I can do even less. That’s because it is time to stop shaving my top lip.

As much as I normally treat shaving as a solitary activity, I am not alone in this current task and I will be joining some of my work colleagues who have also signed up. We have even formed a team.

Can you imagine, a moustache growing team? You never know, it could even be one of the demonstration sports at the Rio Olympics. Who knew that hair could be a spectator sport? I expect it will come as a bit of a shock to the locals when we turn up on Copacabana beach because Brazilians are usually so clean shaven. But, a change is as good as a rest and you never know, when they get used to the idea, men in moustaches might just tickle their fancy.

A bristly reaction?

As the days pass, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if many of my friends ridicule me about it. What I can be sure of though, is that the family will hate it. I imagine Rachel won’t even be able to look at me for a month.

On the positive side, I am rather hoping it will transform me into a distinguished and dashing Tom Selleck-like figure, but I can’t help thinking that far from being the next Magnum, it will probably turn me into Borat.

The long and the short of it.

There is also the decision of what style to go for.

Handlebar? Toothbrush? Poirot?

Although facial hair in the form of stubble, and even beards are commonplace these days, moustaches are rare and the examples I normally encounter are those of old ladies. Although that is not to say that there aren’t a few young ladies on whom I have noticed more than a little five o’clock shadow.

In all reality, if past experience is anything to go by I doubt that a month of not shaving will make much difference to my appearance. I say this because it turns out I actually have a skin coloured beard.

For a spell during the nineties, I sported a goatee. The intention was to fashion something sharp and well defined like Huey from Fun Loving Criminals, but it was about as noticeable as the beard on Huey Duck (and he hasn’t got one). When I decided to shave it off it took about a week before anyone noticed it had gone.

Of course, that was about twenty years ago, and I am a lot greyer now. I may never manage a Cap’n Jack Sparrow, but if I’m lucky I might just be able to force out a Bruce Forsyth.

But I’m not holding out too much hope.

Tash for cash.

The good thing to come from all this hairy nonsense, is that you, the great giving public, now have two ways to donate to mental health charities.

You can either visit my Movember page and watch as the 2016 moustacheletes prepare for Rio, or you can click on the moneygiving link below and donate to Mind.

Please pop over and made a donation here.