Black Friday – prices slashed and free delivery.

Did you know that the other day was Black Friday?

If your email is anything like mine, you probably heard it mentioned. It is the retail marketing equivalent of a classroom full of overexcited six-year olds, all with their hands up shouting “Me Miss, Me Miss, Me Miss!”

I believe they call it Black Friday because it is the day when the most common word in the English language is Black. Which is strange, because every other day of the year we aren’t allowed to use it. That is why our children are taught with the use of a matt grey slate coloured board, they recite ba ba some sheep, and The Wurzels would like to know where that especially dark type of thrush be.

Black Friday feature image

Black Weekend – profit margins slashed and free delivery.

Early reports suggest that Black Friday has been a quieter and more sedate affair than last year. It is probably because the nation is too damned ashamed and fearful of being caught on tv trampling over their neighbour’s granny.

If you don’t recall, last years ‘event’ was the day on which the population was divided into two bands: neanderthals and those who watch in utter disbelief.  It is said that we are three missed meals away from anarchy, but it seems we are also a 60% discount away from civil war. For a culture renowned for standing in line, apologising when someone bumps into us, and doing the “After you,” “No, you first,” “No, you go first,” dance, it takes only one ‘prices slashed’ poster to eliminate 10,000 years of evolution and bring out deep primeval instincts.

Black Friday price tag

Black Week – share prices slashed and free delivery.

But, one reason why the shops have been so quiet is that no one has any money left. It is nothing to do with the economy, but all to do with the retail industry. In an attempt to ensure they get your money in their till, many have tried to pre-empt Black Friday and they have started the offers early. That is why we have been bombarded with offers for the last fortnight, all telling us to beat the Black Friday rush and buy it now. Every day since Halloween my inbox emails has been stuffed with tempting pre Black Friday deals.

As marketing campaigns go, Black Friday seems to be one of the most ridiculous. Far from being one swift slick day of deals, it has become a big dirty skid-mark across November. Dark grey Thursday, grey Wednesday, grubby Tuesday, suspicious looking smudge Monday. They say that sex sells, but in November, everyone thinks they are a promotional genius by working their way through 50 shades of grey.

Black November – Christmas shopping slashed and no delivery.

And all this is an industry that for generations has depended on Christmas shopping in December to boost their annual figures. All they have done is make people buy stuff a month early at half the price.

Black Friday Special Offer.

I could go on, but there is a bandwagon to be jumped upon. That is why I am slashing this very long and tedious rant by 97%. Yes, while stocks last, and for the duration of the universe, this blog post is discounted AND has free delivery to your screen.

But there’s more.

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Black Friday percent flash